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It’s funny how when I hold the love of my life in my hands, I feel so insecure. I have this incredible beautiful (well.. that’s really an understatement) little girl in my care, in my hands, and it is my job to protect her, raise her, and love her. I remember the first time I laid eyes on her. She was absolutely breath taking. I could not control my emotions. And when I got to hold her in my hands for the first time, an inconceivable combustion of emotion happened within my being: anxiety, joy, wonder, worry, pride, happiness, nervousness, curiosity, compassion, overwhelming love. I remember looking down at her all wrapped and swaddled in her newborn garb as love spilled out of her into me and vise versa. I began to sing to her… “I love you so much, I love you so much, I cant even tell you how much I love you…” The words came out in a broken jumble of sniffles and hacks because I was balling like… well, like my baby. She wasn’t crying at all. She was looking up at me (probably thinking, “Oh man, daddy can’t sing very good,”) with irresistible eyes as I held her so tightly, partly because I wanted to be as close to her as I could get and partly due to fear of braking her. That moment is forever cemented in my mind.
I cant help but to think that this is the way God is with me. That when he holds me, he sees me exactly how I am as a wave of emotion sweeps over him. Love spills out of him overflowing into me as I embrace his arms. And he looks at me and sings, “I love you so much, I love you so much, I cant even tell you how much I love you…”
Gah, I love these dogs. Its funny how different they are. Captain is so loyal to me. He waits by the door until I get home. He cant contain his excitement when I take him outside to play with him. Bauer is funny. He is very independent. He sorta just does what he wants, which is a joke that Jade and I say all the time. “I’m Bauer the super dog, I DO WHAT I WANT…” When I woke up this morning he had already been swimming. He launches into the water and can swim faster than I can back paddle. Captain hates the water. I’m pretty sure this is due to a traumatic experience he had when he was about Bauer’s age (20 weeks) when I took him kayaking with me. He was feeling overconfident, I guess, as he put his front paws over the rim of the boat, and then dove in the Llano headfirst against his will. After rescuing him, I got him back in the boat and got back to shore. He’s never really liked the water since. Bauer makes up for it. He loves the water. He cant wait to jump in. I want to be willing to go wherever it is that God calls me. I want to dive in to the waters he has for me. I hope and pray that I will take the jump.
